Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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