oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
