Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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