Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
