i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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