Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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