The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My ATM looks so different sober.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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