dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
