I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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