You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
