I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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