Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
