hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
