I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
