apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
