This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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