Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
