well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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