I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
