sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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