After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
