what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
