If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
