This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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