I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
