FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
