We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
