im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you will always have a special place in my vag
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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