Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
