Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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