We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
