I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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