You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
