"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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