You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
