Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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