i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
