Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
