You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
