I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
