I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
