new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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