At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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