soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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