I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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