Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
