i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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