If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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