i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
