Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
