Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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