You're my little dorito
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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