just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
