I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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