I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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