home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.