I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old