wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul