My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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