About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
