I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
