Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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