how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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