I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
