WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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