Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
