I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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